Jeremiah 17: 5-10

This is what the Lord says:

"Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for his strength and whose heart turns away from the Lord.
He will be like a bush in the wastelands; he will not see prosperity when it comes.
He will dwell in the parched places of the desert, in a salt land where no one lives.
But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him.
He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.
The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?
I the Lord search the heart and examine the mind, to reward a man according to his conduct, according to what his deeds deserve."

This is interesting to me: The Lord searches our HEART and examines our MIND (not our actions) to reward a man according to his CONDUCT/DEEDS... We can see men's deeds and judge them in a way; we see actions that seem good or evil, righteous or unrighteous, helpful or unhelpful to us. But when God judges our deeds and conduct, he judges it from the inside out and sees it all: the motivations, the hopes, the manipulations, etc. It is a falsehood to think that our heart and mind are not part of our conduct.

How does God judge me when I struggle to act kindly despite anger in my heart? I sometimes feel proud of controlling my actions and want to act as if that is 'good enough'. It is probably better for me to act kindly than to blast someone with my raw emotion. Yet, what God really wants is for me to also deal with my evil heart, and bring my sinful feelings to Him, and perhaps there are ways also to learn to bring them into the relationship involved in a healthy way.

I have a lot to learn.