more on Jeremiah 17:5-10

Yesterday I noticed how God judges us -- from the inside out. I didn't think to relate this to the question about areas I have control over for the Step Study tonight. I didn't write down that I usually have control over my actions -- not always, but usually; and especially with people outside the family -- but that I do not have control of my thought life. I think mean things, sick things, angry things, hateful things, critical things, disinterested things -- all the while acting kindly toward a person. I also try to reject these thoughts, as they are not good and I know it. In fact, my kind actions are at least partially an effort to suppress and reject this sin. However, I rarely confess this sin, either to God or to the person. I am trying to deal with sin in my own way by burying it or ignoring it, rather than deal with it in God's way by admitting and confessing it, asking for forgiveness, and looking for the Spirit to give me a new thought life.

The other reason I am coming back to this passage is because of verses 5-8.

5 This is what the LORD says:
"Cursed is the one who trusts in man,
who depends on flesh for his strength
and whose heart turns away from the LORD.

6 He will be like a bush in the wastelands;
he will not see prosperity when it comes.
He will dwell in the parched places of the desert,
in a salt land where no one lives.

7 "But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD,
whose confidence is in him.

8 He will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit."

I look at verse 5 and realize that it describes me. I've always had trouble understanding the phrases 'in the flesh' and 'in the spirit', because we would not even be here if not for the spirit breathing life into us, so there is always a mix of spirit and flesh, and to act only in the flesh isn't even possible. Yet, this verse made me think in a new way: depending on flesh for my strength may mean depending on OTHER men (i.e. the opinion of my family, the feedback/positive strokes I get occupied with, the way I want people to think of me). I live with the opinion of my parents, my husband, my kids, my employer, my coworkers, and my friends as the scale by which I measure my life. I get a fair bit of positive feedback from them, and yet it never feels like enough to satisfy. And this is a parched place, a place that dries you out with trying and never receiving enough attention, a place that deludes you and places a barrier between you and God. You "don't see prosperity when it comes" -- could I take this to mean that I don't appreciate anything of what these relationships are in reality, because I am so preoccupied with getting my strength and affirmation from them and being disappointed? And that this attitude of mine places a smokescreen between me and God, so that I also cut myself off from the blessings of 'the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him'? I miss out on all that is described in verse 8 -- no fear, wholeness, no worries, fruitfulness.

It seems very logical for the thoughts in verse 9 to come next:
9 The heart is deceitful above all things
and beyond cure.
Who can understand it?